I have been trying to ascertain what I would want to say, knowing that you more than likely wouldn't want to hear from me. But sitting here now I find within myself a small spark of courage to say two words. Two that I feel would carry across any meaning I had hoped to convey, without any of the awkward turning of phrase or stutters. They are, quite simply:
Hey, since you're leaving this message hear, does that mean you heard from Sato? ?????????
Yeah, hi, I'm a friend. I'm Sattsies big fluffy white dragon . I like the smilies too much. But now I get srs.
I told my beb, Zai that she needed to ask ya this, but she chickened out and so I have to ask. :p I just thought maybe you'd heard something from Sato, because we haven't and we're worried as hell. Yeah. SO, um, sorry to butt in on your message here because it's really nice and Sattssie WOULD like it but I'm just curious.
Gragggggh, I need to find that account info she sent me so I can come in here and unhide all her poetry. :( I don't know why she'd store so much of it.
I can see why your 'beb' chose not to comment. First off, what you have done is incredibly rude. Normally I wouldn't mind another coming into my conversation, especially when I don't expect an reply from the person it is sent to. But when it is this personal to me I feel you're doing more than just butting in. Not to mention what you had to ask would have best been said through PM, not through my comment to her.
If she wanted to talk to you, she would. Let her go at her own pace and allow her to respond as she wishes. She isn't at your or your friends beck and call, so don't act as though you expect her to respond every time you happen to say 'Beg'.
Sorry. ~~ I was bein stupid when I wrote that comment.
Oh, and beb + Sattsie = BEST FRIENDS. Sattsie isn't answering calls or anything. Zai thinks something srs is going down, but I'm not convinced. Then again, Sato is the kind of person to do. . . things. Zai isn't telling me the whole story either. Erggggggggh.
And sorry again. v__________________v Also my updates say I have two comments but I only see one so if you wrote something else to me and i dont say anything that's why.
I know. I've known Sato for over four years. As for what she wishes to ask, just tell her to send me a PM. I only got a bit irritated since it had been posted to what I had said. So though I apologize for that, I feel I was justified in a way. Not to mention awake for over twenty-four hours.
None the less, feel free to send me a message through PM about it. I'll answer to the best of my ability.
4 yrs. And you're not here calling Sattsie names either . Most people who know her that long do even tho it's wrong. Um, if you want i can delete my comments from here and you can delete your replies and it'll be like theres been no answer to your comment at all. Am I making sense? ~~~~~
& I know where Sattsie is now but since you've known her for so long Ima message you to tell you what went down and maybe ask you what you know. K thanks. Zai might send you something too, but there's not much of a point in doing it.
Awfully short never, wasn't it? I would love to explain things to you, but I'm not sure you'll believe me. Despite this, would you like me to tell you?
I hardly think I crushed your friend, by the way. She seems to have a lot of friends and support. With that, it is near-impossible to be crushed, especially by someone you hardly know. I doubt she remembers me very well at all and, in any case, we scarcely spoke to each other for several months before the incident. I am not trying to make excuses, of course--how she and you feel are completely independent of how I feel--, I am just trying to adjust, say, the perspective on this little misadventure.
That day I hurt your friend was also the day I did other shameful things. I was. . . high--not the best word to describe it, but very, very close. I was abusing my meds. On top of that, I was in the middle of some kind of mental breakdown. In a phrase, I was stir crazy.
The medication was FUN and addictive. I've been clean for three months, but it's difficult. What I wouldn't do for just a taste. . .
My memory is poor; I still remember some. I must have taken a higher than usual dose. I was supposed to become hyper. I became furious. My family tells me I cussed. I kicked walls and doors and broke all my beautiful glass dragons. Somewhere, your friend became a casualty of my inexcusable behavior. I remember logging into some site, then getting angry at her. It was because she was. . . alive, maybe?
I remember writing that note, yet I don't. The full import of what I had done did not hit me until her clipped reply. By then, I was paralyzed with shame. I had damages at home to take care of. Then there was the weaning off the medication. I don't know how I stopped; it is supposed to be impossible to do without help. I think I was just so angry that I decided to either do or die; however, it was a very painful process. End.
I will not blame you if you think I'm trying to fool you. My own mother thinks I am a liar. It is not out of the realm of possibility that you will feel likewise. Also, this is the last time I will tell this story. Enough of reliving it to you and various other people.
And your friend, I don't believe someone would cry over a waste of flesh, but it is sad to hear all the same. (Why?) There will come a time when I'll pay for my vice, but until then, I'm just a dissipated poet.
I feel a terrible amount of grief and shame. I write poetry to endow myself with some peace, and then I share.
I really am very sorry to hear that you had to go through something like that. It's even worse that you're own mother thinks that you're lying about it. I'm also sorry for being so rude earlier. I didn't know the situation behind what you did, but now that I do, it really makes me look like the ass that I was being.
Thank you very much for taking the time to clarify this whole incident, though, despite the discomfort it causes you. It's much appreciated by both of us.
I wish you the best of luck, and that someday you can find constant peace with yourself.
You had every right to be rude. There is nothing that can fully excuse my behavior. All I can do is explain it. Thank you for being so compassionate. I hope you and your friend will have much happiness in the future.
I'm not sure I'll ever find peace in this life. Maybe the next, but I wouldn't hold my breath. Thank you for the well wishes.
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